Bernie Sanders, also known as Crazy Bernie, was recently spotted in a parking lot of the local Burlington, Vermont high school, smoking marijuana. He was seen doing so in a dark corner, and reportedly offered free samples to passing by high schoolers. He was next to a man who wishes to remain anonymous, but whose initials are Gary Johnson.
The Senator’s office has vehemently denied all reports, calling the allegations “pure rubbish”, yet eyewitnesses have sworn on their lives that they had seen the horrifying scene. Do we really want a pot smoker in the Senate?
This is where other media outlets would stop, but we here at The Outsider dug deeper. It’s a good thing we did, because when we sent investigative reporters to look further into it, we were completely shocked by what we found.
In an analysis of Bernie’s speeches, we found certain phrases being repeated. We then solved them using a socialist cipher that dates back to the time of the U.S.S.R. to discover something scandalous.
In the phrase, “top one tenth of one percent” – top is the opposite of pot. 1/10 of 1 percent 0.001%. 0.001, when reversed, is 1000. Bernie is reported to have been hiding pot in 1,000 mg quantities, which matches up.
On November 14, 2016, Bernie Sanders revealed he was disappointed in the Democratic Party. His words were, “How do we lose like that?” In other words, Bernie had just lost a huge amount of his secret stash of pot in a secret drug deal with Republican Party officials such as Paul Ryan. The date of November 14, 2016 is referenced by Hillary Clinton’s emails because she predicted the future.
We were shocked, we admit it. But it’s our duty to report the facts, and only the facts. It is undeniable that Senator Bernie Sanders has been keeping a secret stash of pot in the basement of the Senate chamber for all these years. The twin days of importance, November 14th, 2016, and January 17th, 2017, will forever be known as POTGATE. All thanks to The Outsider!