Monkeys Raid Pet Store Warehouse

   We waited to report this story to avoid disrupting the sleep of our readers. At 3:00 in the morning on Tuesday, January 24, the main storage facility of a popular pet store chain in South America experienced a unique catastrophe. The alarm blared as a tribe of monkeys broke through the window and starting eating all the dog and cat food. Security cameras caught the full event, but nobody was at the storage compound or the security office to report the incident. 

   This event will cost the pet store chain approximately 250,000 United States dollars, and it will create a major food shortage at most of their locations across the continent. “We apologize to our customers for the lack of brands that will be available on our shelves,” said the company’s director of customer service operations.

   While an event like this is rare, monkey sightings in towns near the Amazon occur often. In fact, there have been multiple reports of monkeys taking food from outdoor shops on the streets of Brazil in the past month. The increased number of sightings could be due to the amount of trees being chopped down, or the success that monkeys who raid towns enjoy.

   In response to this event, the pet store chain fired their security officers who were supposed to be in charge when the raid occurred. In addition, they plan to reinforce the windows on all of their facilities to prevent any person, or animal, from breaking in. Finally, they will purchase a new, louder alarm system to be heard from farther away. “This is a unique situation that requires unique measures to be taken in order to prevent similar incidents in the future,” said the CEO of the chain. This event concerned us at The Outsider, so we also reinforced the glass on the cage of our office’s pet monkey. We recommend that Donald Trump does the same.