Breitbart Survey Reveals Trump > Washington

   A recent survey, conducted by the far-right Breitbart News Network, of sixteen political historians who chose to remain anonymous, revealed that recently sworn-in POTUS Donald Trump ranked among the top five American presidents who ever served. The information listed about the poll clarified that “there may be some room for error because Mr. Trump has not served as long as these other men.”

   The survey named the bottom five and top five presidents who ever served. The bottom five were, from worst to best, Barack Obama, Jimmy Carter, Bill Clinton, Warren G. Harding, and James Buchanan. The inclusions of Harding and Buchanan are very typical among historians, and are often listed in similar positions.

   The information listed about the poll noted that several groups were explicitly left out of it. Those groups included African-Americans, who were excluded because they are “black supremacists”. There were also no women included in the survey because they are all “still ticked off about Crooked Hillary”.

   Now, what you’ve all been waiting for. The top five. From lowest to highest, here they are. 

Number five: Dwight D. Eisenhower. Number four: Andrew Jackson

Number three: George Washington

Number two: Donald J. Trump

Number one, to no one’s surprise: Ronald Reagan.