Sean Spicer Holds Self-Centered Press Conference

The White House Press Secretary, Sean Spicer, is infamous already for his claims that President Trump’s inauguration crowds were larger than they were recorded to be in video and photographs. This afternoon, he called a press conference about himself, to clear up the “many misconceptions being peddled as fact” that related to him.

The first question he took, asked by a reporter from FOX News, wondered what qualifications Spicer had for the job of Press Secretary. He replied, “First off, I am a great public speaker. Second, I want to provide the American public with robust and clearly articulated misinformation, as the Onion reported.”

After this, he rambled on about how he was more qualified than anyone except Donald Trump could even imagine. Spicer also praised Trump for being “a business-minded person” who is going to make “our country, the great land of America, which may or may not be named after an Italian, great again.”

At this point, he went through the motions of checking his watch, although it was clear that he was not wearing one. Then, Spicer motioned to a Secret Service agent to tell him the time. The agent shrugged, so Spicer made a final statement: “I’ll probably do a decent job, and I have a nice last name, therefore, trust me.”

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