Paul Ryan: Doomed?

   Recently, The Outsider partnered with Wikileaks to hack the database of the CPUSA, or Communist Party USA. Other than their glaring omission of the word “of” in their name, the CPUSA hack revealed a shocking detail. Speaker of the House Paul Davis Ryan, a strong Republican, was once a communist.    According to the…

Trumps Makes Statement About The Electoral College

   During a surprise press conference today, President Trump made an announcement that shocked most members of his base. He stated that he would “do everything possible” in order to create “a more effective and democratic election system that represents all”. The main reason that this comes as a surprise is that although Trump lost…

Cow Gone Wild Runs Free In Wisconsin

In the state of Wisconsin, a cow has escaped from his pen and is terrorizing neighboring homes. He has been in the run for almost three days, and there have been ten reported sightings within an eight mile radius, but nobody has been able to stop him. “I was bringing the groceries in, and he…

Sean Spicer Holds Self-Centered Press Conference

The White House Press Secretary, Sean Spicer, is infamous already for his claims that President Trump’s inauguration crowds were larger than they were recorded to be in video and photographs. This afternoon, he called a press conference about himself, to clear up the “many misconceptions being peddled as fact” that related to him. The first…

Amazing Stats #5

Welcome to a regular Outsider feature, Amazing Stats. We will provide you with ten unbelievable, yet certifiably true pieces of data. Don’t bother to “Google it” because every factoid here is 100 percent absolutely correct and confirmed by our highly specialized team of expertly-trained experts whose expertise lies in fact-checking facts. No more explanation is…

Fake News Alert: It Is Not Yet The Year Of The Rooster

Some of you may have read somewhere that Saturday, January 28th was the first of the Chinese New Year, beginning the “year of the rooster”. This is completely false. A quick screenshot of a news article revealed that the new year actually begins Saturday, January 28th– in the year 2917. The caption must have misinterpreted…

Trump Calls On Obama To Pay For Pipeline

During his presidency, President Obama stalled and eventually cancelled the creation of the Keystone XL pipeline. Now, President Trump has reinstated the building of the new pipeline, and he is making Obama pay for it. This comes just after he announced that Mexico will not be paying for the wall on the border. “He stalled…

Spring: The Deadliest Season

A survey conducted by the Pew Research Center that targeted the families of departed individuals aged from 18-65 at the time of death revealed a shocking conclusion. Although Winter is often stereotyped as a cold, harsh season, only 24% of yearly deaths occur during it. Participants said that the reasons their loved ones died in…

Trump Invests In Ladder Company

Since Trump has recently announced that he will be putting funds away to build a wall on the United States-Mexico Border, ladder companies in Mexico are nearly tripling their profits. While this was expected, some other information was unveiled that nobody saw coming. President Trump purchased stock in Mexico-based ladder manufacturers at the start of…

Unidentified Object Found On Moon

  A string of leaked photos taken by NASA have been under heavy scrutiny recently when people have started seeing what seemed to be unidentified objects on the surface of the moon. NASA president Charles Bolden released this statement. “We are looking into the images, but from what we have seen, the objects are not UFOS, or…

1984 Replaced On Bestseller List

   According to many sources (including the usually-inaccurate CNN) Melania and Barron Trump would not move into the White House. They would instead remain in New York to “finish school”, which will take a while, as Barron has eight years of education left. By that time, Donald Trump will no longer live in the White…

NFL Retirees Return To Game

  This March, former NFL players will get back on the field to compete for the ultimate battle of generations. Those aged 50-65 will compete against those aged 65+ in downtown Honolulu. NFL fans everywhere picked the teams, coaches and the team captains through an online vote.    The quarterback and captain for the seniors…